i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
