I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize