Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
