Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize