I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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