she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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