I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
