You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
