I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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