dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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