matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
