Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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