its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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