you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
