i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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