You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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