just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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