Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
