Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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