M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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