your parents love me but you hate me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize