i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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