are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
