i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
