dude i'm inner monologue high
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
