He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
