mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
