yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
