They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
