Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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