Come see our sink grown plant.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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