Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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