in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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