Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
