Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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