4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
