Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
