Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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