I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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