Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
