there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
