he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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