non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
