Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i drank out of a bidet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
