sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
