we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
