She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
