whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
