You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
