Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
