Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
