Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
