hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
