Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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