I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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