...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
