am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
