literally had 100 drinks last night.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
