He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
