Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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