I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
